marrion8955@yahoo.com
“But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right - everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.” Isaiah 30:18 MSG
Yesterday was my 50th birthday. The day had begun with a really funny card from my husband that I found on the dining table as I left for work. He had wanted to take me to dinner for this very special occasion, but I asked if we could have my children and grandchildren come over instead. Sweetly he said, “Sure, anything you want.” So everyone shared sub sandwiches, watermelon, cake (chocolate!) and ice-cream. The granddaughters wore their share, and we all laughed and enjoyed each other’s company.
After dinner my son called me aside and said, “Mom, I want to talk to you.” He’s 28, the father of three, and a master in his field. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on, but I followed him and we settled on the sofa together. His question startled me, “Did I turn out the way you wanted me to?”
In my heart, I prayed for the right words and began to share with him how I had only ever had one hope for him, one desire, and one dream. My heart’s prayer for him since before he was born was that he know and serve the Living God. Both he and his wife know the Lord and choose to lead their children in His Ways. As we talked, I silently asked that the words and thoughts would come from God, not a mother, and would bless a son from a Father, not discourage or demean him in any way as a mother. We chatted about how he is doing now, the direction he is headed and the abilities and skills in relationships he will grow into as he matures. The two of us came away encouraged and strengthened, knowing what the true goal in our lives was: To love and honor our Lord.
As he and his wife bundled the three sleepy granddaughters into car seats and seatbelts, my son thanked me for our talk. Soon the house was quiet and I began to reflect on our conversation. The question came to me, “God, did I turn out the way You wanted me to?” Yes, I know I am not finished yet, but here I am at a milestone and I wonder.
Here it is, my New Year. “But it’s not the first of the year, the real New Year,” you protest. No, it’s not the traditional New Year that is celebrated in January, but it’s my new year. You see, on my birthday it is my yearly habit to pause, look back over my year and take inventory. Have I grown in God this year? Is He pleased with me? Has my relationship with Him grown? Am I hearing His Voice more clearly than ever before? How are my relationships with my family? Friends? Co-workers? Am I actively seeking God’s will in my life?
But this year, my question is quite different. True, I know He isn’t done with me just yet, but I look back and I wonder, am I turning out the way He wants me to? Sometimes as I read His letter to me, I just feel badly, knowing I can’t ever measure up to all of the qualities I see in Him. You’d think I’d have it figured out by now, right? A great deal of my life has been spent beating myself up for not being a perfect Christian.
You know the one I mean: 1) Reads Bible every day; 2) prays every day, 3) attends church every time door is open, etc, etc. Yes, follows the list of requirements right down the line. Nope, I failed those a long, long time ago. Through the years as I have chosen to follow Him, I have learned that following Him pretty much means that I am off the beaten path, not religious, and practicing my faith as He opens the doors, not as someone dictates I must.
It has meant repenting over and over again; and being willing to believe I am forgiven. It has meant trying again and again for the consistency in the Word and prayer; and realizing that He loves the time with me. It has meant working as a volunteer at a food bank, recognizing that this is joyously serving those who are hungry—even when I can’t see them. It is comforting and praying with a grieving co-worker, when I know she isn’t a Christian and she’s gay.
It is being so totally open to His Spirit in my life that when I sense His presence and the need of a complete stranger, I stop what I am doing and reach out to them. This happened not too long ago when I went to the bank to change the name on my account to my new married name. I drove to the one location of the bank that I knew, and it was closed! This was really puzzling to me since this bank is always open on Saturday mornings. The next best thing was the branch in the local store just up the street, so off I went.
When I finally sat in the chair for customer assistance, the young woman asked how she could help me. I explained why and what I needed, and she graciously completed the forms. She congratulated me on my marriage and shared that that was what she wanted too. Slowly, with tears in her eyes, her story came out. She had been living for ten years with a man ten years older than her. They were the parents of a small son, and the relationship was very bad. She knew it had been wrong all along, and now she wanted nothing more than to get her life right with God. My heart ached for her and asking God’s guidance, quietly we prayed—right there, with tears in her eyes, in public, at her desk, with people in line waiting to be helped by the tellers.
The rest of my day and the list of my errands meant nothing, absolutely nothing. Time had no meaning for me in that moment, except to minister to this one whom He loves and for whom He gave His only Son. As I spoke words of comfort and offered His arms of love and compassion, I knew that this was His plan, His time, and His moment. There was such gratitude and joy in my heart knowing that He could and would use me. That’s what it’s all about and that’s what I want to be all about for Him, for always.
It’s not just luck or happenstance when these moments come in our lives. He’s not finished with any of us, thank goodness! He’s waiting around for us to come to Him so He can be gracious to us. Think of it! He takes the time to do everything right—absolutely everything. Those of use who wait for Him, well, we’re the lucky ones, aren’t we?!
Copyright 2005 by Desiree L.M> Pheister
Desirée L.M. Pheister is a member of Eastside Foursquare Church. She is a newlywed, mother, grandmother, and an administrative assistant at a medical research facility. You may reach her with requests or comments at: marrion8955@yahoo.com
